An Honest Heart As Compass
by saunatonttu
Summary: Dreyar family has always been a little messed up: Ivan as the distant father, Laxus as the love-hungry kid with things to prove, and Makarov as the worried grandfather that watches things unfold. Laxus grows up, and things change - some more drastically than others. [warning: child abuse/neglect.]


chapter 1.

childhood

 **i.**

He waited for his dad a lot these days.

At the doorsteps to their house, wiggling his toes against the bottoms of the cheap flip-flops dad bought him last time he went out of town for a longer while, Laxus waited. He would wait as long as he had to, even though the sun bearing down on him exhausted him and he got sick easily.

An unsettling twist was already forming in his guts, a sensation resembling pins and needles.

But dad was coming home today, for sure. Laxus smiled to himself, fingering the guild bracelet his grandfather had given him. "You're not ready to join yet," he had told Laxus, "but keep this and the guild close to your heart, and you will be able to, one day."

He didn't know who had made the bracelet – he was pretty it hadn't been his grandpa – but it was beautiful with the small wooden beads and the small emblem of Fairy Tail that hung separately from the beads. It was Laxus's ultimate treasure, and he wore it on his wrist every day, grinning when his eyes looked down at it.

At some point, Laxus had to go back inside to get water, small hands trying to reach for high surfaces with some difficulty before succeeding. Light-headed and skin clammy with sweat, Laxus wasn't sure how much longer he could wait before giving up. Regardless, the cool water that went down his throat made things better, solved the problem of mild nausea for the time being.

If only his dad came home soon, everything would be perfect.

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 **ii.**

"He's sick again," Laxus could distantly hear his dad's voice coming from the other side of the half-open door. "I swear that kid gets all the sicknesses on others' behalf." He didn't sound happy, and Laxus, even in his feverish state, had the mind to flinch and swallow shallowly as the words _sorry, Dad_ danced through his mind.

There was a lot for Laxus to be sorry for, in Ivan Dreyar's books, and Laxus was more or less aware of that in the way that children knew when their parents were disappointed in and by them.

"He can't help that, Ivan – besides, I bet he stayed up waiting for you until get got sick again," Laxus recognized his grandpa's voice saying, the intonation gentle but firm.

"He should be stronger than this," Laxus's dad said, just clear enough for Laxus to make out each individual word and for them to imprint to his mind. They would come back later at irregular intervals, pulsing and throbbing inside him like poison, but that would be years from now.

In the present, Laxus pulled the blanket higher until it reached his face and wiped his watering eyes to the corner of the fabric, sniffling miserably when his grandpa came in. With his sight as blurry as it was, Laxus couldn't quite make out the expression on his face before he had come closer, a glass of water in his hands that he offered to Laxus before anything else.

"Drink up," Makarov said gently, a slight furrow between his brows that Laxus didn't pay attention to as he took the glass and obediently took greedy gulps of water. Makarov took the glass once Laxus had had enough and placed down on the nightstand beside the bed, grumbling something about how tall furniture was these days. Jumping onto Laxus's bedside, Makarov was finally, more or less, face-to-face with Laxus, the deep lines of his face furrowed in concern as Laxus blinked blearily.

"How are you feeling, Laxus?" he asked, tone gentle and soothing to Laxus's ears even through the haze of fever.

"Sick," Laxus mumbled, rolling his eyes a little, and his grandfather had the gall to laugh at his response before running a hand through Laxus's sweaty locks of blond hair.

"Your fever has risen again," Makarov noted, the worried frown on his face deepening further as he tried Laxus's forehead. "Maybe I should take you to Porlyusica…"

Laxus grit his teeth, thoughts dim and dizzying as they circled through his mind – _don't leave me, gramps_ and _where's Dad?_ – and he blinked slowly, trying to focus his gaze. "Just stay with me, gramps," he grinned weakly, the smile weak and shaky as he squeezed Makarov's hand with his own.

And Makarov stayed, his eyes never straying from Laxus as he held his grandson's hand and watched him drifting in and out of sleep.

Ivan had left again.

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 **iii.**

"Dad—" Laxus trailed off when he entered the empty house, hands dropping from the shirt he had started to lift up to show off his guild mark.

He was still just a kid in the eyes of most, but gramps had finally let him join the guild with a fond smile and a not-really irritated sigh of _you're so persistent, Laxus_.

Needless to say, Laxus had bounced on his heels from the happiness before giving gramps a tight hug and a _thank you thank you thank you_.

The guild had celebrated him, loud and obnoxious and Laxus loved it all, grinning from ear to ear even as he had tried to find his dad amongst the guild members with little success.

He had naturally expected dad to be back at home, maybe writing up some spells or taking care of the household chores Laxus had failed to finish. (Dad would not like that, but to be fair, the house was too big for a single adult and a child.)

But there was only silence, and Laxus felt his smile fade away.

 _I just want—_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 **iv.**

Ivan clucked his tongue in disapproval, face distorted in an expression that made Laxus's heart sink into his stomach.

"That's just too weak," Ivan – _dad_ – said, eyes hard with judgment. Laxus flinched, his body already aching from a short training session with his father.

The word resonated inside the child, rippled through him like a tidal wave, and Laxus bit down on his lip hard. He shouldn't be weak. "I'll get b-better, dad," he said, stammered over his words as he looked away from the judgment he had seen in his father's eyes.

He wasn't the shy type, but he was rendered to that before Ivan, no matter how hard he clenched his hands and how many times he told himself to get a grip and—

 _I can't disappoint him._ A persistent thought like that was impossible to get rid of.

"Too weak," his father repeated, sighing like he shouldn't have expected anything from Laxus after all. Laxus' shoulders slumped, the skin on his knuckles tight as he clenched his hands.

A cold, calculating look passed the tanned features of Ivan's face.

"Perhaps it is time to put drastic measures into use with you, _stupid son…_ "

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 **v.**

The implantation of the dragon lacrima, as Laxus learnt was the name for the crystals that his dad wanted to use on him, hurt a whole lot more than Laxus could have imagined.

No matter how much he screamed _dad, dad, please stop_ , Ivan wouldn't stop, not even as the beginnings of a crackling lightning filled the air around Laxus' writhing body.

"You'll be strong, Laxus," Ivan crooned, a malicious smile on his face as he looked down at his son, who was a mess of blond hair and tears at the current moment. "If you're a son of mine, you can't be weak."

 _You can't be weak…_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 **vi.**

"Ivan, have you gone mad?" Makarov hissed. Even through the darkness of half-sleep, Laxus could hear their argument and the tones of their voices. "That is not a thing a _child_ should be put through!"

"It is but a means to awaken his innate magical abilities," Ivan responded calmly, careless with his words and arrogant tone. Laxus pulled the blanket higher, hands trembling. "He cannot remain a weak child in this world we live in, father."

"You mustn't taint the innocence of a child's faith," Makarov's voice was grave, much firmer than it ever was with Laxus. " _That_ is where magic is born, not in physical strength, and certainly not in a lacrima forced into the body of a child that just recently was able to join the guild he has admired all his short life."

Laxus' head was spinning when his father gave his response to Makarov's chastise, and he didn't catch all the words.

But what was important in the first place was that gramps was there, defending Laxus when Laxus didn't know how to do it himself.

It didn't make him feel any less small, though… Laxus sleepily fingered the bracelet around his wrist, clumsily feeling up the emblem of Fairy Tail.

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 **vii.**

"Gramps, gramps, look at what I can do!" Laxus' lips stretched into a wide, happy grin as he shoved his hand forward, wiggling his fingers a little, and some sparks of lightning crackled over his fingers, moving toward his palm.

Gramps' eyes widened almost comically wide, and Laxus hoped it was pride. "Laxus, that's amazing," he said, his smile wide as he ruffled Laxus' hair. "Lightning magic, huh? That reminds me of someone…"

They were outside the guild, in the backyard of it, where Makarov and Laxus often took time for a breather from the hassle inside the building. Most often it was to spend quality time together than anything else, as it was hard to hear each other inside the building.

Laxus liked the welcoming atmosphere that always enveloped him when he entered the place.

And he loved gramps.

"It's so cool," Laxus continued, nearly bouncing as the lightning magic crackled in the air above his palm before he extinguished it. "Lightning magic's so cool."

"It really is," Makarov smiled, fondly as he looked at the radiant smile that lit up Laxus' very being. "Do you want me to teach you, Laxus?"

"You would do that, gramps?" Laxus' grin widened, surprise evident on his face. Behind the happiness, a slight fear crawled up. His dad's teaching methods had always been—

"Of course," Makarov's eyes twinkled in response to Laxus' excitement. "You have a heart that believes; if you so want, you will learn and your magic will develop further."

"And I will be able to take part in Fantasia?"

Makarov's mustache shook with his laughter. "You only ever have that in mind, huh? Silly boy, of course you will…"

"It's because Fantasia is the best thing there is," Laxus said back, heart trembling at the thought of dancing with the other Fairies. "Thank you so much, gramps!" In a fit of emotion, the boy hugged Makarov as tightly as a child could – a child's unconditional love was a formidable force.

 _If only things could stay as they are…_

That was what Makarov had, perhaps unknowingly, thought in that moment.

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 **viii.**

"What the hell have you been doing all this time, Laxus?"

Laxus flinched visibly, hands clutching at the hem of his shirt as he cringed away from his father's hands that looked ready to strike.

"With those lacrima inside you, you chose to slack off and fool around with the old man," Ivan continued, spite dripping into his words, which was something Laxus could not understand. They were family; why was dad acting like they weren't?

Their house was cold and empty even with all the furniture around, much like their family, but that was not as much of a conscious thought to Laxus as it was a constant feeling pressing against his ribcage.

Without Mom, it was lonely: empty space filled the house, and the distance between him and his dad seemed to widen.

"B-but Gramps said he could teach me other kinds of magic too," Laxus mumbled, eyes darting away from the elder Dreyar's looming presence. "A-and drawing out the power from the lacrima requires some magical power in itself…" Laxus' teeth clumsily clattered against each other, resulting in the embarrassing stutter, which he knew his dad wasn't appreciative of.

"Do you intend to stay weak your whole life, son?" A cold, hard light flickered in Ivan's eyes as they stared down at Laxus' small frame. "Was the one lacrima not enough?" he muttered, more to himself than to his son, and he turned away. His wide shoulders and tense back were what Laxus found himself anxiously thinking later when he was trying to sleep.

 _I promise I'll do better, I promise, I promise._

Laxus cried soundlessly, like he often did when Ivan was around in the house for longer periods of time.

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 **ix.**

 _Yeah, I'm getting the hang of it,_ Laxus smiled to himself as he wiped the sweat off his forehead. The lightning dragon slayer magic was still a little too much, but he could generate lightning itself decently for his innocently child-like purposes: lightning figures of animals.

It was a silly thing, of course, trying to create something pseudo-living out of something as destructive and volatile as _lightning_.

But the feeling of loneliness was a powerful thing, no matter how much Laxus tried to ignore it. Even gramps couldn't be with him every time that feeling hit. Not that he would necessarily know if and when that bothered Laxus. Children weren't as transparent as some adults thought they were.

It was fine.

Laxus didn't want gramps to yell at dad for things like that, anyway. Dad was just….

Taking a deep breath, Laxus felt magic power coiling inside his veins, static electricity prickling at his skin. He still wasn't used to that sensation – though it was far from painful.

In some time, it might even become a pleasant tingle.

"I'm going to show you, dad," he muttered, smiling to himself as the remnants of the lightning magic settled and unfurled into rest within him. The nature surrounding him continued breathing: a breeze ruffled Laxus' overgrown hair, grass tickled his bare feet, and birds sung overhead from the branches of trees.

Laxus fetched his shoes from the side of the rock he had placed them to, tied the laces while ignoring the weariness of his muscles.

Fantasia was drawing near.

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 **x.**

The very air seemed to breathe magic, surrounding Laxus like a warm blanket in the cold nights spent alone in the house he shared with his father. Very much like that blanket, Laxus embraced the magic dancing through the air and atmosphere of the parade.

 _Are you watching, gramps?_

Laxus snapped his fingers, and a small feline of lightning galloped through the sky over the parade. In its wake, the onlookers gasped and murmured in amazement, which made Laxus' chest swell with pride as he tried to locate gramps in the crowd.

As expected, he couldn't see the old man.

 _It's fine,_ Laxus thought as he threw his hand up in the air, his forefinger up as the rest of his fingers curled to meet the palm of his hand. _I'm always watching you, gramps, even if I can't see you._

He couldn't see his dad either.

But, for the time being, that didn't matter – Laxus' dream of dancing with the Fairies had come true, and his magic joined the fray, crackling and swirling around the parade.

The exhaustion seeping into his small body was welcomed, the warmth in his belly bringing up a wider smile to his face as he listened to the amazed sounds from the audience.

At the very end of Fantasia, he managed to find his grandfather, who stood a little ways back from the crowd. Even the distance between them couldn't make Laxus mistake Fairy Tail's master and the gentle smile underneath the facial hair.

Laxus waved his hand enthusiastically.

Gramps waved back at him.

Later on, when Laxus was back on the ground, exhausted of his magical power for most part, and walking back home with gramps, he couldn't stop grinning and calling the night the best one of his life.

"I love Fantasia," he said, simple statement of a fact. "Thanks, gramps."

"What're you thanking me for? You were brilliant up there, Laxus."

The warmth of his grandfather's hand in his followed Laxus all the way to his bed, the nearly overwhelming happiness not fading even as he fell asleep.


End file.
